Friday, February 26, 2010

Whatever is in Between Florida and Mississippi, and Mississippi

Nobody is entirely sure what lies in between Florida and Mississippi, however experts believe it is a horrible land, filled with barbarians hell bent on blindsiding quarterbacks well after a play is over.  It is obvious there are only 2 men in the world with the balls to venture into this forsaken land:


I parked the USS Kanan and went on to investigate the USS Alabama Memorial in Mobile.

Much like Alabama, Mississippi was one of those states in which I really didn't know what to check out, so I played it by ear and stopped in Historic Biloxi, Established in 1699.

There I spent some time gazing into the Gulf of Mexico and then headed off for some southern-style gambling at the Hard Rock Casino, where I turned $20 into $90 then eventually $60, but I had a far better time than I did at the Hard Rock Casino in Vegas.


Later I'd go on to spend a night in Jackson, but I only checked out the capitol, tada!


Your American Hero,

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Kanan in Florida: A Crocodile at a Gator Rally

Florida seems like one of those states that everyone has been to at least once or twice, like California, but I had never been so it was a must stop for Kanan Across America!  I wanted to tour the whole state, but I only managed to check out the northern, redneck part of the state; I saved the douchy, southern part of the state for a later date.

My first stop was Jacksonville, home of Tim Tebow.  It was raining pretty heavily, unfortunately, so I didn't do much touring; I did have a pleasant stay at a Red Roof Inn.

A reconnaissance mission to The Swamp was in order.  I had to tap into all of my mad spy skillz to infiltrate Urban Meyer's evil lair, but in the end I would be ready to take on the mighty Gators at the BCS National Championship Game!  Of course, they forgot to make it...

Eventually, I would finally find out the source...

...But I was compelled by their philosophies!

At the end of the day, I realized they're not so bad!

Tallahassee was my next stop, where I toured the Florida State campus.  I wanted to make a funny and refer to Florida St. as Florida A&M, but much to my chagrin, there's actually one of those in Tallahassee :(  FSU has, by far the coolest collection of statues around its football field!

After a hot and humid night at a Florida rest stop, I got to welcome the next day in Pensacola Beach, I had the whole beach to myself, THE WAY IT SHOULD BE!


The Sun never did show up during my stay in the Sunshine State, to be continued?

Your American Hero,

Sunday, January 10, 2010

KAA: Alabama

I spent half a day in Alabama last summer.  That is all.

Your American Hero,

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

KAA: The Devil Went Down to Georgia

Holy crap!  It does not take very long once you’re out of the D.C./Northern Virginia metro for it to become obvious that you are officially in the South.  For me it started when I was checking in at a motel in Fredericksburg and I noticed several swastikas and SS tattoos on guy in front of me.  I was afraid for the nice Indian girl attendant, but he was surprisingly not hostile, guess he knows we should be nice to the people who are our doctors.  The best part was when he turned around and saw me, wearing my Texas t-shirt and gave me this ‘you know what it’s like’ nod of approval.

I didn’t have the time or resources to try and track down a civil war re-enactment, but I had to go visit the museum of the confederacy, which is strategically nestled between a hospital and university both full of black people, making it very comfortable to visit.  The museum has a very ‘matter of fact’ tone to its exhibits, which neither glorify the confederacy nor have a ‘victimized by the north’ tone.  Read my review on Yelp.

It does suck that they don’t let you take any pictures inside the Confederate White House, mainly because Jefferson Davis bought his kid the world’s smallest working cannon, it’s so freakin’ cute!  If you’re keeping track, I’ve seen the world’s smallest functioning lighthouse in Maine, now this! :)

I needed a break from getting in touch with my inner confederate, so I made my way to Bojangles' fried chicken in Chapell Hill North Carolina.

University of North Carolina Home of the Michael Jordans

It’s very nice of UNC to honor me, but you misspelled my name! >:O

I toured around Charlotte, but wasn’t able to find out a distinctive ‘Charlotte’ attraction.  I mean it’s a nice city, it just seemed that most tourist attractions were somehow NASCAR related, however I couldn’t leave the Carolinas without trying out their famous barbecue.

Unfortunately I was unable to compare and contrast Carolina barbecue between North and South Carolina, apparently not much is open on Sundays in the state of South Carolina L  I did manage to visit the state’s top tourist attraction: being the only state that still flies the confederate flag in the state capitol.

Everything is whiter in South Carolina!

Then I stopped at an Arby’s in Georgia.

Your American Hero,

Thursday, December 17, 2009

KAA: Brotherly Love

YES! I finally took the Jersey Turnpike, which finally shed some light on the ‘what exit?’ thing that people from New Jersey always talk about. I actually imagined there being a bypass highway to New York City going to Philadelphia, unfortunately I had to drive through NYC, which wasn’t as big an accomplishment as the locals make it out to be. So far the only major city to have a bypass route is Phoenix, call me crazy, but it’s a good fuckin’ idea!

Its only befitting that an American Hero of my caliber would eventually make his way to Philly, a city I had always wanted to visit due to its historical contributions to democracy and sandwiches. I experienced all the basics the city has to offer: The Liberty Bell, Independence Hall, Rocky Balboa statue, black people, the LOVE park, and of course cheesesteaks!

I had no choice but to put both Pat’s and Geno’s to the test, and the verdict: Geno’s tastes better, Pat’s feels more ‘authentic,’ whatever that means.

Afterwards, I was ready to experience all of the excitement that Delaware has to offer, that took about 45 minutes…

My next stop was Baltimore, where I didn’t know what to expect, I just wanted not to get syphilis. Visiting Edgar Allan Poe’s grave was important to me, after all I did dress up as the red death for Halloween in High School, getting Mr. Denny to reluctantly give me extra credit for dressing up from a piece of American Literature.

Afterwards it was time find out what these Maryland crabcakes are all about, turns out they’re all about mayonnaise, which is disgusting, but waterfront was very nice, despite the traffic for the Ravens game.

Your American Hero,